The Weight of Shadows

Ever have one of those days that you just keep waiting for someone to wake you up from because it just has to be a bad dream? This morning when Jesse was getting Mia ready for school, I prayed about their day, covering them both with prayer. I wish I had done the same for Doogie. He was in a car accident this afternoon; don't worry, he's okay. Mia and Jake were also in the car. She's fine, but he has a broken clavicle. Doogie's car is totaled as is the guy who hit him. Doogie's going to be struggling for a long time trying to manage it financially, plus buy a new car. I keep telling myself that it could be so much worse, and I am grateful to God for keeping them safe from serious injury, but this just feels like a terrible nightmare. Mia will be sleeping with me tonight (Jesse is gone overnight) so both of us feel secure. She was pretty shaken up. Please send some prayers up for us, and especially Doogie in the days to come. This is not a great way to start the summer.

The Weight of Shadows by Alison Strobel is a moving novel about the power of secrets. Kim has been running from a terrible night seven years ago while trying to build a life for herself after a childhood in foster care. Rick seems to be everything she's ever wanted, but their relationship moves so fast, they've moved in together after only three months. Their neighbor Joshua is starting over with his four-year-old daughter Maddie after the death of his wife from breast cancer. After the loss of his job, he's forced to sell their home and move into the apartment next to Rick & Kim because of the mountainous medical bills. What he hears through the thin walls between their apartments will threaten his life with Maddie. Debbie hasn't been able to have a healthy relationship with a man since the death of her sister Gina. Instead she's thrown all of her energy into working at a women's shelter, trying to rescue them after failing Gina. Strobel, the author of Violette Between, has a unique voice in Christian fiction. She takes three very disparate voices who each have a tragic past and brings them together in a way that will offer true healing. She accurately depicts a woman trapped in an abusive relationship with compassion and respect. As the violence escalates, so does the tension until it's nearly impossible to put the book down. (I stayed up until 2 am to finish it!) Beautifully written with a message of hope, Strobel is a writer to watch.

Thank you to the author for providing me with a copy of this book for review.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do

I've been forced to confront some misconceptions I have about God in the last couple of days. When I was a teenager, I really did put my parents through hell. I've apologized a lot to them, but no amount of repentance could ever be enough to repair the damage that I did to our relationship. I am blessed to have amazing parents who have forgiven me and love me unconditionally, kind of like what I have from the Lord. Recent events have been making me remember just what things were like nineteen years ago, and a voice inside of my head keeps whispering "You've got it coming. What goes around comes around. It's your turn to suffer." And part of me agrees with the voice; I do deserve some payback, but I have to remind myself that God doesn't work like that. Psalm 130: 3-4 say: If you, O LORD, kept a record of sins, O Lord, who could stand? But with you there is forgiveness; therefore you are feared. I am so thankful for the knowledge that I am forgiven, and I will never actually receive what I deserve. Sometimes I have a hard time remembering this.

I've held other misconceptions about God in my life. I used to be afraid to talk about something good for fear of jinxing it. For example, if I was doing well in a class and thought I may get an A, I wouldn't tell anyone so that God wouldn't hear me and throw a test or paper at me that I would end up bombing. It's like the unspoken no-hitter rule in baseball. If it looks as though a pitcher will have a no hitter, the announcers don't say anything about it so they don't jinx his chances. Matthew 7:11 debunks that theory: So if you sinful people know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good gifts to those who ask him.

Another belief I used to hold was that God was just waiting to trip me up with my prayers. When I would pray, I was afraid that if I didn't specify exactly what I wanted, He might give me a twisted version of it. Think of the famous short story The Monkey's Paw or like a genie in Arabian Nights. If I prayed for Doogie to be happy as he grew up, I would also throw in clauses about being healthy and safe to try and cover every circumstance. Eventually every prayer became so much work trying to think out every possible outcome, that I stopped praying entirely. Matthew 6:8 says your Father knows what you need before you ask him so there's no need for me to worry about wording things just right. And when I can't even come up with the words Romans 8:26 says In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express.

I know that there are a lot of other mixed up ideas out there about who God is and how He treats us. This is one of the reasons I've fallen in love with the Bible. The character and identity of God is clearly spelled out within its pages for anyone who cares to look for Him, and He promises that those who seek, will find.

Deuteronomy 4:29 But if from there you seek the LORD your God, you will find him if you look for him with all your heart and with all your soul.

Proverbs 8:17 I love those who love me, and those who seek me find me.

Jeremiah 29:13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.

Matthew 7:8 For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.

Acts 17:27 God did this so that men would seek him and perhaps reach out for him and find him, though he is not far from each one of us.

Obviously when I was praying years ago with such confusion I wasn't really seeking God. I wanted Him on my terms rather than looking for Him where I knew I would find Him. Once I did start looking, He came to me and washed me clean of my sins, even those that are back to haunt me now. But now I know that I can Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. 1 Peter 5:7. The key part of that verse for me is "he cares for you." In all of my previous beliefs, I had a hard time truly believing the God cared for me, loved me. Reading the Bible has removed those fears. If you are harboring some beliefs about God that don't seem right, start reading it yourself and revel in the truth that you will find there.

Breaking Up is Hard to Do by Anne Dayton & May Vanderbilt is the second book in the Miracle Girls series. This volume focuses on Christine Lee, the rebel of the group with her thrift store wardrobe and nose ring. Christine is angry with her father for getting engaged just a year after her mother's tragic death in a car accident, so she's taking it out on stepmother-to-be Candace. She's struggling to deal with her mother's death along with the possible break-up of the Miracle Girls as each has boy issues and long-dead rivalries spring up again between them. When Christine hits bottom, she thinks that she has no one left to turn to, not the Girls, her father, or even the God she swears she doesn't believe in. I like this YA series. Each girl has a different personality and interests, allowing just about every teenage girl to find a character to relate to. I've watched my own daughter and her friends drift apart and come back together as boys come and go, and the authors portray that confused loyalty well. Christine's longing for a place to belong is the crux of this story, and author do a terrific job of keeping the other storylines tied to it. Her questions about God are ones that I think a lot of teens face, and they are answered well at the end of the book. Definitely a book I'd recommend to teen girls (and tell their moms to sneak a read when the girls are finished).

Today Mia is a Pokemon trainer, but on Friday she was a princess. That's when I took today's pic.

Country Bob's All Purpose Sauce

I have a rather desperate plea for prayer today. My Uncle Howard had surgery for cancer yesterday, and it didn't go well. Howard has been an alcoholic for over 30 years; he's only 49 years old and the baby of the family. He had a rough youth, and the drinking has made his adulthood more of the same. A few weeks ago, he discovered a lump behind his left ear, and when the doctors tested it, they discovered cancer. I'm not sure the exact type, but it's caused by excessive alcohol use. He was admitted to the hospital two weeks ago to dry him out for the surgery. They found two more lumps before the surgery under his chin. He went into surgery yesterday at 10 am and while in, the doctors found the cancer was very aggressive and had spread. They removed part of his shoulder, his jugular vein, portions of his throat and several lymph nodes along with the already identified spots. He didn't get out of surgery until after 6 pm, and then had to be rushed right back in because he had ruptured a blood vessel. My mom spent most of the evening there and will be heading right back up tonight. He has a tracheotomy and Mom says he looks like Frankenstein because of all of the large metal staples from the surgery. The news gets worse: his doctor told Mom that if Howard never touches another drink of alcohol, he has a 30-40% chance of surviving five years. And that's a huge if. Howard doesn't know God, and I've been praying that God is using this as a way to get him away from alcohol and draw him to Jesus. Could you please pray for Howard's health and most of all his salvation? When he woke up last night, he kept making signs with his hands, and Mom couldn't figure out what he wanted. Finally she was able to recognize that he was saying, "I love you." It's a small sign of hope in the midst of this crisis.

I normally review books here, but I received a product in the mail about a month ago, and I have to tell you about it. Country Bob's All Purpose Sauce sent me two bottles of their sauce along with some recipes and asked my family to try it out. Now, I'm not a big fan of barbecue sauce, in fact, I can't stand the stuff. But this sauce is absolutely fantastic. Jesse, my husband, is the cook in the house, and he made several different meals with it. This is what he has to say: It had a well balanced flavor that really does make it an all purpose sauce. It was excellent on burgers and the barbecue sandwiches were easily the best I've ever had. We were able to slow cook a roast in it and it was perfect. It didn't become caramelized from the heat and the flavor soaked well into the entire roast. All in all it is the best sauce I've ever used and we need to get more of it!!! I completely agree! It wasn't too sweet, has a little bit of a kick, and the pulled beef sandwiches he made with it were awesome; I can't wait for him to make more. It made our burgers nice and juicy, and they didn't dry out when served as leftovers a couple of days later. I know that Jesse put them on fries and liked it that way too. It's an incredibly versatile sauce, and the best part is their logo: Christ is Our CEO. The website is having a special offer right now; sign up for their blog, and they will send you a free bottle. My free bottles are gone, but it is on my shopping list, and I'm thrilled to know that Wal-Mart carries it (yay!). I wouldn't speak up for a product I didn't firmly believe in, so don't take my word for it, try it for yourself!

Don't forget to sign up for my book contest this week. Just drop me an email before 10 pm tomorrow!

Rumspringa

We're celebrating lots of prayers answered this week. Without going into a lot of detail, Mia is going to be able to attend the 4K we wanted to get her into next year. I was told by the school district that it wouldn't happen, but I put it in God's hands, and the situation has completely turned around. She is so excited about riding a big yellow school bus. Jess and I immediately started having panic attacks about her riding the bus alone at 4 years old, but I know that God will take care of that as well.

Molly's singing of the national anthem on Tuesday was superb. She nailed it, and I was so proud. I think I was nervous enough for the two of us; she certainly didn't show any signs of nerves, the complete epitome of calm, cool, and collected. The crowd erupted into cheers and applause before she finished the last note. The dean of students sent us some pictures; I'll get them scanned in this weekend and post them soon.

In another answered prayer, Jess had a 1000 word paper due this week and as of noon on the due date hadn't even looked at what it was supposed to be about. The topic was the assimilation of sub-cultures in the US, and one of the groups he could choose from was the Amish. I just happened to be finishing up Rumspringa, see review below, and I had also checked out Devil's Playground, a documentary about the book, from the library. He watched the movie, talked with me about points in the book, read some selections I pointed out, and had his essay turned in by 8:30 pm. Amen!

Rumspringa by Tom Shachtman is a fascinating and intriguing look into the life of the Amish. Shachtman uses rumspringa as a springboard to delve deeply into the Amish culture and history, as well as their role in society today. Rumspringa is a Pennsylvania Dutch (their language) term loosely translating into runabout, which is what the Amish youth do after their 16th birthdays before they decide whether to join the church. The Amish are Anabaptists, which means that they don't baptize until the decision is made by a mature adult (or youth) who makes the decision on their own to come to the Lord. Anabaptists were persecuted in Germany and Austria by the Catholic church until William Penn invited them in the 17th century to come to Pennsylvania with the promise of religious freedom. The Amish were followers of Jacob Amman. All of this information seems superfluous until you see how their history still affects them today. They believe in separating themselves from the world and not encouraging selfish pride, which is why they dress plainly and don't use most modern conveniences. All of these traditions are thrown aside upon rumspringa when Amish youth can cut their hair, smoke, drink, drive cars, and live outside of their communities to experience the outside world. Rumspringa tells the story of several youth who fight with the families and the desires for the world. A few stay outside in mainstream society, but most, 90%, return to the Amish way of life. It's hard for them to get white collar jobs with only an eighth grade education, and their ties to family are so strong, that they return, often happily, to join the church, marry, and live the life of the plain folk. Shachtman does an excellent job of portraying the pros and cons of the Amish way of life with empathy. The closing essay of the book has some powerful points about the value of the kind of life the Amish live: care for the elderly and sick, strong community and family ties, humility, belief in the importance of the group over the individual.

Mom and I are going up to Lakewood tonight for a library book sale. One of my favorite things in the whole world. Please say some prayers for my step-uncle who has cancer in his lymph glands and eyes, and for my cousin who is battling a ferocious cancer again.

The pic today is by artist N.A. Noel who paints beautiful pictures of the Amish. This is my favorite.