Showing posts with label Making Work at Home Work. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Making Work at Home Work. Show all posts

Monday, October 04, 2010

Why are you working?

As you may remember, I recently partnered up with Making Work at Home Work as a blogger.

By Mary M. Byers

Believe it or not, there are a lot of people who don't know why they are working. Most assume that they are working for money. But when I talk to people about the topic, I hear a lot of different reasons for work. Some work for the mental stimulation. Some to keep their skills up to date. Other work to support their scrapbooking habit or to be able to purchase cosmetics at a discount.


There's a big difference between working to put food on the table vs.working for the "extras" such as summer camp or a vacation. Both are legitimate but it's essential to be honest about your motivation. Knowing what drives you will help you keep your priorities in order. When my children were young, I worked for the extras. However, instead of stopping when I earned enough to help with vacation costs I kept right on going, becoming a workaholic in the process. It didn't serve me or my family. When I recognized my error, I was able to cut back on work in order to create a healthier balance. Now that my children are school-age and I'm working to help cover orthodontia, tuition and retirement, I've increased my hours accordingly.

Understanding why you are working makes it easier to make tough work-related decisions. Will you work on the weekends? Stay up late to get it all done? If you're working to put food on the table, the answer will more likely be yes. But if you're working for the fun of it, you may choose not to compromise family time by late night or weekend work. When you know why you are working, it gets easier to decide what kind of boundaries you'll adhere to.

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Mary Byers is the author of Making Work at Home Work: Successfully Growing a Business and a Family Under One Roof. You can learn more about making work at home work by subscribing to Mary’s free blog at http://www.makingworkathomework.com/. Interested in more articles like this? Join the blog ring here.

Thursday, March 25, 2010

Making Work at Home Work

As you may remember, I recently partnered up with Making Work at Home Work as a blogger.





Find the Right Coach


By Mary M. Byers



In my last post I talked about working with a coach. This time, we'll address how to find the right coach for you. I suggest the following:


Referrals.
Ask friends and colleagues if they can recommend anyone to you. Listen to conversations. If you hear someone mention that they work with a coach, ask if they'd be willing to share the name and contact information. Referrals are by far the best way to find a coach.


Identify specifically what you need help with.
Do you need help increasing your income? Decreasing your expenses? Someone to brainstorm marketing ideas with? Or, do you have plenty of ideas but lack the follow through to do them? In this latter case, you'll want someone who can use a little tough love to hold you accountable for getting things done. The more specific you are regarding where you need help, the more likely you'll be to find a coach that's a good fit for you.


Search online.
Do a search for coaches online. You'll find plenty! Pick a few sites to go to, read about each coach and his or her philosophy, and watch the videos. You'll get a sense of who you might feel comfortable working with. Narrow the list to these possibilities.


Request a complimentary introductory session. This is THE most important step. I "met" by phone with several coaches before finding mine. One coach spent the whole conversation talking about herself. Another spent the entire time saying, "If you decide to work with me, then..." And a third was not at all focused during our conversation, which led me to believe our coaching sessions would be the same way--frustrating for me.


Make the decision. Know that your coaching relationship won't last forever. This makes it easier to decide who you will work with. Pick the coach you are most interested in. Then, ask if you can sign up for a limited number of sessions (a minimum of three). You'll have a good sense of how the relationship is working after several sessions.


Be willing to do the work. When you enter a coaching relationship, you're making a commitment to help your coach help you. And you're making a commitment to doing homework between sessions as well as to do the heavy thinking required to help take your business to the next level. Coaches see lots of people who are willing to pay for help, but fewer who are willing to roll up their sleeves and get to work. Your work with a coach only pays off if you're invested and willing to sweat along with your coach.

Good luck!


Mary Byers is the author of Making Work at Home Work: Successfully Growing a Business and a Family Under One Roof. You can learn more about making work at home work by subscribing to Mary’s free blog at www.makingworkathomework.com. Interested in more articles like this? Join the blog ring here.

Wednesday, May 06, 2009

Making Work at Home Work

Yesterday was one of those days full of amazing highs and lows and in which God showed his face at every turn. My RA flare-up still hasn't gotten better, so yesterday I asked Jesse to call his mom and see if she could pick up Mia from the bus stop. My mom usually does this for me, but my Grandma Bunn, her mother-in-law, had taken a sudden downturn in her health and Mom was going to the nursing home. When Mom picks her up, Mia is usually home by 4:03, so when she wasn't home right away, I got a little nervous. I texted Jesse asking him if his mom would have taken Mia home with her. He said probably, but that wasn't good enough for me, so I asked him to call and make sure.

While I waited to hear from him, Mom called back nearly in tears. Hospice had been called in for Grandma, and the doctor said he didn't expect her to last the night. I asked her if she wanted me to come in, but then Jesse beeped in on call waiting. He said that his mom had lost track of time and forgot to pick up Mia, so the poor kid was on her way to the bus garage. I immediately burst into tears. Normally I could handle one of those phone calls, but both back to back were like a sucker punch. His mom was on her way to the garage to pick her up and would keep her at her house. Mom called back asking if I could come into town and pick up my brother Jake from the nursing home; the sorrow and emotion was getting to the 13-year old. A plan clicked into place, and I started making calls. I threw on some clothes and headed for the nursing home to see Grandma and be there for Mom. Jesse stopped by on his way home from work to bring me supper and pick up Jake, drop him off and then get Mia.

At the nursing home, we took turns sitting on the edge of Grandma's bed and holding her hand. She slipped in and out of consciousness and we called the rest of the grandchildren and family. In a crisis, I need to be doing something, so I was on the phone a lot and trying to keep up my game face for Mom; if I lose it, there's no way she can keep it together. Workers from Unity Hospice came to talk to us about what would be happening in the next few days, and those women were awesome. They were comforting and knew when to listen and when to talk. They set it up so Grandma could get pain medicine for her pain; the priority is to keep her comfortable until the Lord calls her home. Grandma had conversations with some family and nurses in the last few days; she is ready and waiting for Heaven.

At some point it was decided that Grandma shouldn't be left alone overnight, so I volunteered. I ran home, put on my glasses and yoga pants, packed lots of Coke and books. Everyone else was gone shortly after ten. The RN on duty came in to check on Grandma and asked how I fit in the family. When I said that I was Carol's daughter, she exclaimed with joy and threw her arms around me. I swear I've never seen this woman before, but she was so full of love, I couldn't help but hug her back. Then she explained that she knew just who I was because (hold on, wait for God's hand to show itself) she worked at the Gillett nursing home when my Grandma Trever was there 18 years ago, in fact she was working the shift when Grandma Trever died. Annie, as she introduced herself, said that Nellie (Gma Trever) was one of her favorites, just like Dorothy (Gma Bunn). We talked and ended up talking about God. She told me about her struggle with breast cancer and how her faith and the Lord brought her through. I could feel the Spirit in the room with us, and even now I get goosebumps thinking about it. That was the first of many blessings last night.

Grandma faded in and out of consciousness. Whenever her eyes opened and seemed to focus, I would call her name and ask her if she wanted water or was in pain. Unfortunately Annie wasn't on duty overnight and was replaced with a woman who acted as though I was putting her out by asking her to take care of Grandma. At one point she walked in and said she was turning out the light because it was disturbing Grandma. Now the light was on the other side of the room, behind a curtain. I could barely read by it, but that's what was keeping me awake and there for Grandma. I explained I was reading and I needed the light, and she replied oh so snottily "Well, if I think it's bothering her, I'm turning it off anyway." The nurse never came in the room unless I rang for her. If I hadn't been there, Grandma would have laid alone in the dark all night long in pain. The CNAs were wonderful repositioning her, but the RN made me so angry I was shaking when I got home.

But I get ahead of myself. I prayed throughout the night, asking God for wisdom on what to do and say. When I asked Grandma if she wanted some water, she said "I don't need anything, I'm just waiting. " I said, "What are you waiting for" even though I knew. When she didn't answer, I said, "Are you waiting for the Lord to take you home?" She said firmly, "Yes I am!" I prayed out loud for her, and she called out Jesus' name. I read the Bible to her, including the 23rd Psalm, and she said, "Yes, Jesus is my shepherd, but he isn't here yet." I sang to her too, and all night long I held her hand. Last night was such an amazing gift to me. I was able to spend time with Grandma letting her know it was ok to go, even though she knew it was. I felt God with us, even if He didn't answer our prayers to take her home.

I left at 6:30am when my vision was starting to get fuzzy and came home to sleep until noon. I picked the girls up from school at 1 (early release day) and brought them to the nursing home. Molly has a special love for Grandma; they are so very close. So she's staying there to hold her hand for a few hours. I was so proud of Mia. Most 6 year olds would be frightened to see their grandmother so unresponsive, but Mia gave her a hug and a kiss and told Grandma how much she loved her. Mia and I talked about it ahead of time, and I told her she should say good-bye. On the way out, we talked about what was going to happen in the coming days. She said that it's time for God to take her to Heaven and give her a new body and some healing. This child's faith blows me away.

Jeff, my stepdad, talked to hospice about the nurse's treatment and Grandma and I last night. Hopefully tonight things will be different. Either Jeff or I will be taking the night shift again. I don't think it will be the same as last night. Today Grandma has a very high fever they can't bring down, and although her eyes are open, she's not responding anymore to anything. Her eyes are waiting to see her Savior, and nothing else matters anymore.

I always loved in the Mitford series by Jan Karon how Father Timothy said that he "coveted" prayers, and I can't help empathize today. I covet your prayers for my grandma, Dorothy Bunn. Please pray for her peace and for the Lord to not delay any further, but take his daughter home. And while we all pray for her to be released from this broken earthly body, we will be lost without her, so I covet your prayers for my family as well.

Making Work at Home Work
by Mary M. Byers is a perfect book for any mom who has an at-home business or is considering starting one. The book is split into two sections: saving your sanity and preserving your profit. The first section focuses on how to manage things like child care, balancing family and work, and making time for yourself as well. Byers tells the reader to ask herself certain questions: what exactly does success mean to you? how much money do you want to be making? and why are you working? Answering these questions honestly is essential to figuring out how to have a healthy balance between family and work. Throughout the book are twelve profiles of work-at-home moms with their tips for success and what they have learned along the way. The second section really goes into the ways to expand your business and how to make smart decisions to increase profit. Also included in the back are several recipes for moms who don't have time to make supper every night but want their family to eat well. Byers makes the subject matter interesting and relevant making this vital for both beginners and pros.

I'm giving away a copy of this book on Friday, and all you have to do to enter is send me an email by 10 pm tomorrow night. Good luck!

Monday, May 04, 2009

Murder in the Family

It is time for a FIRST Wild Card Tour book review! If you wish to join the FIRST blog alliance, just click the button. We are a group of reviewers who tour Christian books. A Wild Card post includes a brief bio of the author and a full chapter from each book toured. The reason it is called a FIRST Wild Card Tour is that you never know if the book will be fiction, non~fiction, for young, or for old...or for somewhere in between! Enjoy your free peek into the book!

You never know when I might play a wild card on you!


Today's Wild Card author is:


and the book:


Murder by Family: The Incredible True Story of a Son's Treachery and a Father's Forgiveness

Howard Books (May 12, 2009)


ABOUT THE AUTHOR:


Kent Whitaker was happily married to Tricia for 27 years, until she and their younger son Kevin were murdered in December, 2003. At that point, Kent retired from the construction business and put his energies into restoring his life and working with his remaining son Bart, who was charged and later given the death penalty for arranging the shootings.

This story has been featured on CBS’s crime program 48 Hours Mystery and on the Oprah Winfrey Show. Taping for ABC’s Primetime and Good Morning America has been completed, with airings scheduled for Spring of 2009. In September, 2008, Howard Books (Simon & Schuster) released his book Murder by Family, which tells this amazing (and ultimately uplifting) story of forgiveness, healing and how God works within tragedy to bring about great good. Murder by Family was recently named to the New York Times Best Seller List.

Through a busy schedule of speaking nationally, Kent shares his story of forgiveness and new beginnings to churches, business groups, conferences, and prisons. He also volunteers for nonprofit organizations in the Sugar Land, Texas, area and for River Pointe Community Church.


Visit the author's website.

Product Details:

List Price: $13.99
Paperback: 224 pages
Publisher: Howard Books (May 12, 2009)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1439164606
ISBN-13: 978-1439164600

Also available in hardcover:

List Price: $22.99
Hardcover: 224 pages
Publisher: Howard Books (September 23, 2008)
Language: English
ISBN-10: 1416578137
ISBN-13: 978-1416578130

AND NOW...THE FIRST CHAPTER:


The First 200 Minutes


I had always heard that your life flashed before your eyes. But that’s not what happened as I lay on the cold concrete that December night, watching the blood from a gunshot wound cover my white shirt. Instead, I found myself praying for my family. There had been four shots, one for each of us.

I told God that if it were my time, I was ready to die, but I prayed that he would spare my wife and two sons. I called to each of them but got no response except for a few quiet, wet coughs from my wife, Tricia. Although I couldn’t see her from where I had fallen, I knew that it was her because when I had first tried to get up, I saw her blond hair splayed out on the threshold of our home’s front door. Though I had never heard that kind of cough before, I instinctively knew it was the sound of a person trying to clear lungs filling with blood. The silence coming from the dark house was horrible. My God, I thought, he’s shot us all.

Life can change in a moment. Just seconds earlier we had been a happy family of four returning from a surprise dinner celebrating our older son Bart’s anticipated college graduation. He had called that afternoon, telling Tricia that he was through with exams and was coming home for the evening. We had enjoyed a great seafood dinner, including a dessert with “Congratulations!” written with chocolate syrup on the plate’s edge. I snapped a few pictures, and then we took the short drive home. How strange that those would be the last photos we would ever have together.

As we got out of the car, our younger son, Kevin, a sophomore in college, led the way to our front door. He stepped inside, with Tricia right behind him. I heard a huge noise, but I didn’t immediately recognize it as a gunshot. A moment of silence, and then Tricia exclaimed, “Oh, no!” as another shot was fired. I still didn’t understand what was happening. I stepped forward and for the first time saw inside the house. The light from the front porch illuminated a ski-masked figure about eight feet away, standing next to the stairs. I couldn’t see Kevin, though he was lying in the shadows next to where the man was standing, or Tricia, who must have been right by my feet. I just stood there wondering which one of Kevin’s goofball friends was playing a joke on us with the paintball gun.

Suddenly I was slammed in the shoulder with enough force to send me spinning back and to my left. Landing face up on the front porch, I still didn’t grasp what was happening. As I tried to get up, I felt a searing pain in my right arm and realized it was badly broken. A fourth shot rang out as comprehension flooded in. We had been shot. We had all been shot. It struck me that I might be dying.

Then my neighbor Cliff was kneeling over me, comforting me. “Don’t worry, buddy! Help is on the way!”

In the distance I heard sirens as Cliff pulled off his T-shirt and pressed it to my wound. I realized then that no one knew where the shooter was and that Cliff might be in danger. I panicked. “Get out of here! He may still be inside!”

Cliff told me to hold on and ran for home. Moments later a squad car pulled up in front of our house, and then another, and a third. I was aware of more sirens, including the deep foghorn of a fire truck, but they were still far away. With heightened senses I heard muffled footfalls as police ran into and around the house, guns drawn and flashlights flicking illumination into the shadows. After only a minute or two someone called out that the house was clear. By then the whole cul-de-sac that faced our home was full of emergency vehicles. It couldn’t have been more than five minutes since the shootings.

People were everywhere. Neighbors were streaming out of their homes while paramedics swarmed. Two men worked on me, cutting away my leather jacket and shirt, trying to stop the bleeding. I repeatedly asked for information on my family, and finally one of the paramedics quietly said, “Sir, please, let us do our job. You’re in good hands, and lots of good folks are with the rest of your family.”

Then, over all the confusion and noise, as they hurried inside the house, I heard one policeman ask another, “What do you want to do about the DOA?”

My heart froze. Dead On Arrival. I knew that at least one of my family members had died. But which one? And why? Were they all dead?

The sound of a helicopter cut through the night, and I saw the landing lights and then the cherry-red body of Life Flight. Three paramedics raced a gurney down the sidewalk, and one of the police officers told me that they were taking Tricia to the hospital. My heart leaped with joy, because that meant she was still alive. Thank God! But then I realized that this also meant that at least one, and by now perhaps both, of my boys were dead. I began to shake all over and knew I was going into shock. I chattered to the paramedics that I was freezing and that they had better get something to cover me. They replied that as soon as Tricia’s Life Flight took off, the second Life Flight would land for me.

What? Life Flight for me? Was I hurt worse than I realized? Did this mean that both boys were already dead, and there was no need for them to be flown to the medical center?

I really didn’t have time to think about it: with a storm of air and sound, the helicopter took off, and moments later a second one landed. I was put on a gurney, covered with warm sheets and a blanket, and stowed in the back. With the high-pitched scream of jet turbines, we took off and began our eight-minute flight to the Houston Medical Center, part of perhaps the finest network of hospitals in the country. If anyone could keep my family alive, the medical staff there could.


Minute 30—Flashback

As we flew, I caught occasional glimpses of freeways and buildings through the copilot’s floor windows. My mind jumped back six months to my only other helicopter ride. The boys and I were in Colorado, on an adventure to celebrate my fifty-fifth birthday. We spent one day mountain biking and another racing along challenging trails on four-wheel ATVs. But my favorite part of the trip was the two days of intense white-water rafting on the Arkansas River as it snaked through the Royal Gorge. While on the river, we saw a sleek red helicopter crest the gorge 1,100 feet above us, roll into a steep dive, and pull up just before hitting the river. It rocketed fifty feet over us, blasting us with downdraft. All six of us guys in the raft went wild.

The next day we took the ride.

It was like a roller coaster without tracks. Incredible! The boys and I enjoyed it so much that we did it again two days later before coming home; it was one of the most wonderful memories of my life. But as I looked out at the lights of the hospital landing pad, remembering that fantastic trip, I felt as though I were watching the home videos of some other person; there was just no connection. I was numb.


Minute 40—In the Trauma Unit

It only took a moment for the trauma team to whisk me inside, where I was surrounded by doctors and nurses - none of whom would tell me anything about my family. The next thing I knew, my mom and dad were there. Someone from the hospital administration arrived, and when I asked her about my wife and sons, she told me not to worry: my son Bart was being transferred by ambulance and would arrive shortly. He would be treated in this same room, just a few feet from me. That told me everything, as I read between the lines. They were only working on two of us.

I turned to my parents. “Mom, I think there’s a good chance that Tricia and Kevin are dead.” Turning to the woman from administration, I asked, “Isn’t that so?” She looked at me for a long moment, nodded her head, and said that it was.

Bart was wheeled into the room a few moments later. I learned that he had rushed into the dark house and, in an apparent scuffle with the shooter, had been shot in the left arm. He was in shock, reacting to the horror of everything. The trauma team scurried around, cleaning wounds and applying temporary casts, since both of us had broken arms. The bullet had entered my right shoulder and traveled through the arm muscle, striking midhumerus and shattering the bone. Bart’s upper left arm was broken where the bullet had hit. Amid the organized chaos, things began to sink in; God was allowing the truth to come a little at a time.

I felt God’s presence and comfort. On one hand I was beginning to absorb how radically things had changed, while on the other I had a calm assurance that I was not alone and that God would knit whatever happened into his plans for good. Scriptures of comfort came to mind. It was as if God gave me a shot of emotional Novocain. Even though I was becoming more aware of the extent of the tragedy, I trusted God.

Before I knew it, I was being wheeled out of the trauma center and into a corridor. As we passed through the big emergency room doors, I was met by forty or fifty friends. I rolled through a canyon of loved ones. Touched by the grief and worry in their eyes, I began to comfort them. I can’t explain it; the words just came out. My response was unexpected and somewhat out of character.

Later that night, after the nurses had gone, I was finally alone with my thoughts. I lay there trying to wrap my mind around it all—and wasn’t doing a very good job. Piece by piece the reality settled onto my soul.


Minute 180—Reality and Choices

My wife, my lover, my best friend, the one who knew and loved me better than any other, to whom I had been true for twenty-eight years, was dead. My son Kevin, with his incredible Christian faith, his crazy, fun-loving personality, and his passion for sports and the outdoors, would never graduate from college, marry, or give us grandchildren. Bart was down the hall suffering a grief and shock that seemed even more intense than what I was feeling. At fifty-five, I would be facing the last third of my life without most of my family.

For years I have told people that faith is not a feeling but a conscious act of the will. You have to choose to trust and believe, especially when circumstances and your feelings are screaming that you can’t trust God . The Bible says that God can take everything and work it for good for those who love him and are called to his service; well, Tricia and Kevin loved him, and so did I. We were all called to his service, but how could these murders possibly be worked for good? I could imagine no such scenario. And if that verse of the Bible was untrustworthy, what other verses might not apply when I needed them? I might as well throw it all away.

So, here I was, in the middle of a horrific situation in which I had to choose either to go with my feelings and slip into bitterness and despair or to follow my own advice and stand on God’s promises even when they don’t make sense. I wrestled with this for a long time, because I knew that I could go either way and that the consequences of the choice were serious.

Finally, I made the decision to stand on the promises of God. It was one of the most important decisions I've ever made.

When I resolved to trust God, I felt a peace come over me that had nothing to do with the morphine drip. The next thought popped unexpectedly into my mind: What about the shooter?

I realized that God was offering me the ability to forgive, if I wanted to take advantage of it. Did I really want to forgive this guy? I know the Bible says we are to forgive those who hurt us. I know God tells us that vengeance is his, if he chooses dispense it. I have even heard secular health professionals say that forgiveness is the most important thing people can do to heal themselves. But did I really want to forgive, even if God was offering a supernatural ability to do so?

In an instant the answer sprang full-grown into my mind. My heart told me that I wanted whoever was responsible to come to Christ and repent of this awful act. At that moment I felt myself completely forgiving him. This forgiveness astounded me, because earlier I had experienced feelings of incredible sadness and intense anger and the desire to kill the person responsible with my own hands. Little did I realize just how important my decision to forgive would be in the coming months.

I have had a hundred people tell me that they think I’m nuts—that I should hate the shooter and cry out for vengeance. Perhaps I am crazy, but I believe that in those early moments God worked supernaturally, allowing me to forgive completely and immediately, because he had plans for me, and those plans required that I have the forgiveness problem settled once and for all.


For the next two days, as Bart and I waited in our rooms for surgery, we had a nearly unprecedented number of visitors. People were always lined up in the halls waiting to see us; they came and went day and night. In fact, the crowding was so severe that the hospital converted a double room on our floor into a hospitality suite stocked with fruit baskets, cookies, coffee, soft drinks, sofas, and chairs. The hospital showed a lot of class, but I think crowd control was also an important factor.

The next day I had my first visit from Detective Marshal Slot and his partner Billy Baugh from the Sugar Land Police Department. They questioned me extensively about what had happened, and I cooperated, telling them I would do everything I could to help them find out who was responsible for this murderous attack.

The detectives returned a day later to tell me they had learned that Bart was not about to graduate from college after all. In fact, he was not even enrolled in school. I was shocked at the news and horrified at the realization that, if this were true, this knowledge coupled with some mistakes Bart had made years earlier might distract the police from searching for the real killer and lead them to look at Bart as a possible suspect. Marshal told me that they were looking at every possibility, which confirmed my fears.

After they left I fumbled my way into a wheelchair and rolled down to Bart’s room, where I found him asleep, as he seemed to be whenever I came to visit. It was as if he had crawled into a hole, trying to escape this nightmare. I asked his girlfriend (who had camped out at the hospital since the first morning) for a few minutes alone with my son.

“Bart, what were you thinking? You weren’t even in school? How could you lie to us about graduation?”

Bart seemed to forcibly pull himself out of some private hell as he sat up in his bed. The curtains were closed, and the room was dark. Gloom pervaded the atmosphere, with those areas just outside the edge of my vision in deepest shadow. At the time the thought did little more than register in my subconscious, but I would later recall this oppressive darkness and do much thinking about it. For now, my thoughts were focused on Bart. A momentary flicker of strange emotions danced in his eyes; he seemed to careen between grief, shame, regret, and fear.

“Dad, I’m so sorry! I didn’t want to tell you because I knew how much you and Mom were looking forward to my graduation. I just figured I could work it out and take the classes next semester, and nobody would know.”

“Nobody would know!” I was furious. “How would we not know? How would they let you graduate? How did you get into this mess in the first place?”

“Things were crazy at work all summer. Some guys quit, everybody was working long hours, and with school starting, I just didn’t have enough time. I’m so sorry! I decided to help at work and make up school in the spring.”

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done? Thanks to this ‘little’ lie about graduation, the police think you’re a suspect! In fact, right now you seem to be their only suspect. You weren’t in school, you told everyone you were graduating, and they think you arranged to have us killed to cover it up. Can you see how stupid that was? Your lie has done the impossible—it has made Tricia and Kevin’s deaths even worse because now the police think you were involved! Do you have any idea how bad this is?”

Years ago, on a bike ride, I saw a hawk fly right over me, so close I could almost touch it. Clutched within its talons was a field mouse, still alive. I saw the bird swoop up to its nest, bringing breakfast to her young; it would be impossible to forget the look of resignation and terror in the mouse’s eyes as he passed over me. For a moment I saw the same look in Bart’s eyes, but it was gone almost instantly, replaced with resolve.

“Dad, that’s nuts! I didn’t have anything to do with the shootings! I’m sorry about the lie, it just happened. I didn’t mean to lie to you and Mom—I was just afraid of what you would say, and I didn’t want to disappoint you. This will be okay.”

“I don’t know. I’m so mad now, I could spit! I’ve told you before: you cannot ever allow yourself to start lying again! Look at the consequences of this one! If you hadn’t told the lie about graduation, they would be looking elsewhere and might find the real killer before the trail gets cold. Now they’re wasting time on you, and who knows how long they’ll keep at it!”

After a while I calmed down, and I told him I loved him and that the police would soon realize nothing tied him to the shootings. I went back to my room, still angry, disappointed, and depressed. What would happen next?

As the days passed, two things happened: First, the investigation centered more and more on Bart as the mastermind of a plot to kill the rest of the family, assuming that his motives were greed and to cover up for failures at school. Second, I came to realize that perhaps my life had been spared for a reason. God must have something important for me to do, because I could see no logical explanation for my still being alive. The bullet hit me well away from my right lung, and nearly six inches from my heart. The gunman couldn’t have been that bad a shot. Not at that close range.

It occurred to me that perhaps my purpose was to be God’s agent of guidance and instruction for Bart. If he was innocent, I would be the anchor he relied on as he weathered the storms of suspicion; I wouldn’t let him go through that horror alone. If he was guilty, I would be in a unique position to model God’s unconditional forgiveness and love. I might be the person God would use to soften Bart’s heart. And since I already had forgiven whoever was responsible, if Bart was guilty, he would be covered in a pure forgiveness, granted before I ever thought it might apply to my son. Either way, until I knew more, I would be nonjudgmental and supportive. While I couldn’t gloss over anything or minimize the consequences of any wrongs Bart might have committed, I still needed to show him that God forgives and that there is always hope.

Maybe I’m crazy. But I took comfort in knowing that I was doing what God wanted me to do. I like reading that line in the Bible about the wisdom of God being foolishness to man. Maybe a nut was exactly whom God intended to use.

Murder by Family by Kent Whitaker is an unbelievable story of betrayal and forgiveness. What would you do if someone killed your spouse and child, shooting you as well? Could you forgive? Could you do it if you found out that it was your other child? Kent Whitaker faced just that dilemma. Returning home one night after celebrating his eldest son Bart's graduation from college, his life changed forever. He heard a shot when younger son Kevin walked into the house, another as his wife stepped forward, and as she fell, he saw a figure wearing a face mask, before Kent was hit in the shoulder from another shot. When a fourth shot rang out, Kent thought that Bart must have been shot as well, and as he lay in wracking pain and bleeding out, believed that his entire family had been killed. While lying in the hospital, Kent felt God's peace come over him, and he forgave the shooter and murderer of his wife and Kevin, but as the police quickly focused in on Bart as their number one suspect, that forgiveness was tested. Kent compares his suffering to that of King David with the betrayal of son Absalom; even though his son tried to have him killed, he did all he could to model God's unconditional love and forgiveness. Kent's story is absolutely amazing and could only be told by someone with enormous faith. I've read some poor reviews of this book, and I don't think that those reviewers can comprehend the power of faith. Kent doesn't excuse Bart's actions and faces all of the consequences of the shooting, however, I do think that he spent too much time trying to explain the inexplicable. It's a powerful story of a father's love.

I'm starting a new book contest today. I'm giving away a copy of Making Work at Home Work by Mary M Byers. It's a terrific guide to building an at-home business and making it successful without sacrificing your family. To enter, just drop me an email before 10 pm on Thursday, May 7th. I'll announce the winner here on Friday. Good luck!