Thursday, October 08, 2009


I've been feeling so exhausted lately. This is on top of the normal pain I feel, I just don't feel like I am getting enough rest. Yesterday I broke down to Jesse and admitted that I feel like I'm stretched too thin, trying to do everything and succeeding at nothing. He was sympathetic and tried to comfort me, but it wasn't working for me.

Today as I finished reading Extraordinary by John Bevere, which I review below, God showed me just why I've been feeling so low. In the last couple of months, someone close to me said that I wasn't trying hard enough. I wasn't doing as much as I could and that I used my illness as an excuse to do less. I was struck with guilt by the statement and have thrown myself into everything trying to prove the statement wrong. No matter how bad the pain gets, I've been pushing through it to keep cleaning the house, making meals, listing on eBay, going to work, etc. And the constant effort has completely exhausted me, but now I understand why. I've been trying to do it all under my own power rather than rely on God to be my source of strength.

My faith is still growing, but much like the disciples reaction to Jesus telling them to feed the 5000, they looked at their own resources and felt incapable of providing. They were frustrated by Jesus' command because they were only looking at what they could do rather than realize that through the grace of God, they were able to do so much more. If they had understood what Jesus was offering them, they could have easily fed the people on their own; he had given them the ability to cast out demons and heal illnesses, but they were again relying on their own power.

I've been giving lip service to turning it over to God, but in reality, I kept pulling it out of His hands and insisting on doing it with my own feeble hands. And the result is incomplete jobs, sloppy work, and me facing the end of each day drained and resentful. Today, I'm turning it over to Him, because I know that His strength will be mine.

Extraordinary by John Bevere is subtitled: The Life You're Meant to Live. Bevere focuses in on the lack of life in the church today compared to the New Testament church. Our churches have become more of a social club than a force of God within the world. We are a subculture rather than a counterculture, and Satan has been able to use that lack of power to disenchant the world to Jesus. Bevere says, "Here's the sobering reality: godly men and women determine whether or not the will of God gets done on this earth! By discounting the power of grace, we have cheapened faith and don't live life as God intended. Bevere uses Scripture to back up his point, and readers will be surprised to find themselves relating strongly to it. Christians should be excelling in every area of their life through the grace of God, and when we don't we fail to fulfill our destinies. This powerful book is a must read to shake up your faith and get the most out of life.

I'm giving away two copies of this book tonight. Just send me an email before 10 pm to sign up!