Thursday, September 03, 2009

Surrender All

Sometimes God teaches me fascinating lessons about myself in the midst of minor aggravations. This morning the girls and I hopped in the van to head to the bus stop. We got out the door in plenty of time, but when I tried to start the van, the engine wouldn't turn over. I had this problem a few years ago whenever the mornings were wet, so I thought it might be that. I frantically called up my stepdad Jeff, and he swooped in to the rescue, bringing the girls first to the stop, and then when realizing they had missed the bus, driving them all the way into the Falls.

This is the kind of thing that normally throws me into a tizzy, but God has been working on my heart to help me accept when things don't go just as I had planned. While I was able to handle the change in plans, I felt absolutely horrible about having to ask Jeff for help. I thanked him when I called and asked for the favor. I thanked him again as the girls jumped into his truck. I sent Molly several texts asking her to thank him again and again, and when he called to let me know that the girls were safely deposited at their schools, I thanked him again. And then I spent the day considering how I could best show him my appreciation. In the midst of this, the Holy Spirit showed me just how over the top I was acting, and so I was forced to analyze what was motivating it.

I hate having to ask people for favors unless I feel that I'm in a position that won't put me in their debt (like asking Molly to pick up Burger King for supper tonight because of all the times I pick up the tab for her). But it's not like I want to lord it over people either. In recent weeks, I've been doing some big favors for people and felt disappointed by their lack of appreciation to me. I've prayed about that attitude, and I'm okay with it now, but seeing today in light of the last few weeks helped me understand myself better.

I don't want to be indebted to anyone, but I don't want them to owe me either. I like being independent, but that's not what God expects from me. He wants us to live in community, caring for each other, my strength making up for your weakness, and your strength evening out my weaknesses. I've spent the last year really working on my walk with God, and I have been amazed at the closeness, the relationship we have gained in that time. I have a feeling, based on the last month or so, that God wants me to turn my attention to my walk with others. As an introvert, this journey is going to stretch me farther and test me deeper than ever before. Want to walk with me?

Surrender All
by Joni Lamb is a powerful guide to turning control of your life over to God. Lamb and her husband, Marcus, own Daystar Television and have a terrific testimony as to what God has done in their lives, after they surrendered their finances to Him. The book is filled with absolutely amazing stories about how God has completely turned around marriages, finances, health, and careers after they were surrendered to Him. Lamb includes Scripture to back up each story, and her writing style is very conversational. It's like talking about God with a trusted friend.

If you're curious about the van, I ran it out of gas. Please don't judge me too harshly! The gas gauge has never worked on it, and I'm usually excellent at judging how much I have left in it. I figured I had enough gas to get me to the gas station in the Falls, but I guess I overestimated by a gallon or so. =) My wonderful husband is filling me up tonight, and I'll be back in the swing of things tomorrow!

And in case you are curious: the tie is up to $7.50!